tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-65203449691000652242024-03-19T01:30:30.240-07:00our good friend♥Sarah Bearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919120052287518102noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6520344969100065224.post-24103019994553897612011-03-02T10:31:00.000-08:002011-03-02T10:34:40.083-08:0003.01.11<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: 1px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" ><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; ">dear porter,</p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; ">i can’t believe that on saturday it will have been a year since we haven’t had you. i miss you more then anyone will ever be able to understand. you were the boy i could always count on. to make me laugh, to cheer me up, to make me smile, to just be silly with. i’m sitting here listening to “hear you me” on repeat, watching atty in her swing thinking about how much i miss you, and how i wish you could be here more then anything. when i see atty i think there’s no way that you two weren’t up playing in heaven, or that you didn’t teach her to be happy and always have a good attitude. that might sound crazy, but i really believe it. </p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; ">you’re the reason i’ve made it through everything that’s happened in the last year, even without you here. i remember your mom telling me a story about her being at girls camp and it was “alone time” and she was praying and asked you to watch over me and she felt you telling her you would, (i think that's how it went. if not please correct me..) and i know you did. your not far from my heart at all. all our memories cross my mind so many times a day. like driving to metro station and getting sooo lost, going to secondhand serenade, when me and jessica made you let us do your hair and take pictures, going to a different metro station concert, you pulling me in a wagon and drawing on my sidewalk with chalk, going to the dark knight, watching batman at my neighbors house, saying we were going to throw food at jessicas house… even though we all knew we would be friends again. hahaha</p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; ">on saturday jessica, will, and i are going to your grave. me and jessica have dedicated our day to you. it’s going to be such a hard day. it will be bitter sweet. i know you aren’t far from anyones heart but its still hard to not have you here.</p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; ">i’m sorry i wasn’t as good of a friend as i could have been at the end. it’s all my fault, and there isn’t a day that goes by that i don’t regret it. thank you for everything you’ve taught me.<3</p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; ">may angels lead you in sweet boy.</p></span></span>Sarah Bearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919120052287518102noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6520344969100065224.post-49971432987105985312010-11-03T20:56:00.000-07:002010-11-03T21:12:12.265-07:0011.03.10<span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">dear porter,</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">you've been on my mind so much. you always are, and always have been.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">it's not getting easier at all as time goes on.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i don't think i like the whole "time heals all wounds" quote.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i don't know why, i just feel like i can give you being gone all the time in the world, but i will never ever be fully healed.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">it's still weird to me that i can't even text you.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i got a new phone, and your number is in there. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">it's never going to be deleted. i'm going to keep putting it in whatever phone i get.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">probably for the rest of my life.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i know i shouldn't be asking for anything, but can i ask you for something?</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">can you keep my little atty entertained with the time she has left up there? just five more weeks.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">maybe you guys already do run around together and play and talk and laugh.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">maybe you can teach her a few things. like all the things i admired about you.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">if i could choose one thing for you to teach her it would be your outlook on everything.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i want her to always be happy, just like you. i want her to see everything positively like you did.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i hope she has a bright smile like yours, and has that twinkle in her eye.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i want her to love life, and everything about. like you.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i wish she could be just like you, but i won't get my hopes up.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">the party everyone had in honor of your birthday was amazing. i want to put that night on repeat sometimes.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">your band was amazing. i couldn't hold my tears back when they sang the song they wrote for you, but with your favorite keane song as the intro.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">remember when we were driving to the metro station concert and didn't really know who they were?</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">we were listening to their cd and i was like "oh, this song is awesome! i love this song!" and i would never let you listen to keane. i don't know why, i just said i didn't like them and i kept to it, even though i never listened to them. i was a brat. i'm reallll sorry about that, by the way.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">but you tricked me and put a keane cd in and said it was more metro station, and i thought it was. and i liked it. and then you gave it away that it wasn't metro station, and i said i didn't really like it.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i've been listening to metro station a lot lately. because it reminds me of you.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i always look at the moutains and think about you too.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i miss you, and i always willll.</span></span></div>Sarah Bearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919120052287518102noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6520344969100065224.post-66463015586849190172010-07-20T10:41:00.000-07:002010-07-20T11:23:01.552-07:0007.20.10<span style="font-size:78%;">porter <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">i've</span> been SO bad about blogging.</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">i feel so selfish for not taking the few minutes out of my day to write you something.</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">but even if i haven't written, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">i'm</span> sure you know you're still on my mind.</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">all the time.</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">especially yesterday.</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">yesterday i gotta find out what my <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">babyy</span> is.</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">i was SO hoping for a boy, like really, so bad.</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">i was gonna name him <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">addison</span> river <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">weisenburger</span>.</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">after the two most influential boys in my life.</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">but you and river have had completely different influences in my life.</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">you've always always been there for me.</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">even if sometime i didn't like you telling me i was being dramatic and that i needed to get over it.</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">and rivers just been there lately with all my drama.</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">and half of me just think it sounds so cute together.</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">we were all CONVINCED it was a boy. </span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">we all called it <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">addison</span>. all the time.</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">bad idea. we jinxed it.</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">it's a little baby <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">girll</span>.</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">but that's okay:)</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">i know i could still name it <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">addison</span>, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">cuz</span> it's an adorable name for a girl, but i want it to be a boy.</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">and make him play bass. and make him love hiking. and make him love lots of things that you loved.</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">honestly, i was really sad when they said girl.</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">like i didn't even know what to do.</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">but now <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-error">i'm</span> excited for a girl.</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">looking at all the cute pink sassy things i can buy and make.</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-error">i'll</span> have my little <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_11" class="blsp-spelling-error">addison</span> one day,</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">i can promise you that(:</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">my little <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_12" class="blsp-spelling-error">attryel</span> will hear about you so much that it will practically be like she knows you.</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">thanks for everything porter.</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">there isn't a day that goes by that i don't think about you, and how much i miss you.</span>Sarah Bearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919120052287518102noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6520344969100065224.post-9726439846477497102010-06-14T11:21:00.000-07:002010-06-14T12:40:31.041-07:0006.14.10<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">porter where do i even start?</span><br /><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">why is life so crazy lately?</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">it's driving me crazy.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">i'm sick of being all emotional all the time and the most little thing setting me off.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">i went to the ask for the future concert on friday.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">i was SO excited.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">i was gonna go with my mom and my sister, but they couldn't go so i had to find someone else to go with me.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">and i knew that with the person that said they could go, it probably wouldn't work out as perfect as i wanted it to.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">i was so excited to see your band, and then see allred.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">that was going to be the highlight of my year.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">we were gonna go to gateway and get this ring i wanted, and then her friend called, and i thought he'd be fun to hang out with.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">so we went and picked him and his friend up and went to the concert.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">and they ended up telling me something that made me soo mad and i was mad at everyone, and everything.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">it started to make my tummy hurt.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">the girl ended up randomly leaving while your band was setting up.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">and right when she left, they wanted to leave too,</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">but i didn't want to leave at least without hearing your song.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">so i asked if we could just stay until i heard one song, and then i would take them back.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">it was so awkward. i hated it.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">it's not fun at all being with people when you know they just want to leave.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">and the reason why they want to leave is because the "pretty, fun girl" left.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">i don't even <strong>want</strong> to be the fun pretty girl, because honestly, i could care less.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">and they always have so much drama. it doesn't seem worth it. i just want people to be nice and treat me with respect.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">it all just made me miss you.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">i don't know why, probably because you <strong>never ever</strong> treated me like that.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">so by the time ask for the future started playing, i was upset about those boys being jerks, and i was upset about something else that had happened, and i was upset that i missed you, and that the girl i was with just ditched me.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">is it bad it still hasn't hit me that your gone?</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">and that you aren't coming back?</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">at the concert my brain was obviously dead, and it was being so stupid, because all i could think was "i wish porter was playing. it's okay, he's just on vacation, he'll be back."</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">i don't even know why.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">it's just not... <strong><em>real</em></strong> yet.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">i don't think it will ever be real to me.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">it can't be real that someone my age, that i care about sooo much can be gone forever.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">and then i would realize you weren't on vacation.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">i guess i could think of it like that, because i'm sure were you are is much better then where i am.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">but i can't count day the days til you come home or anything.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">i think that's the hardest part for me.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">you already know, but ask for the future did amazing. like always.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">and all i could do was look at the bass player.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">they played your song, and just like last time, i couldn't even make it to the words before i started crying.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">and the chorus has been stuck in my head all weekend.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">i want them to hurry and record it so i can listen to it whenever i want. </span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">that will be a good day(:</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;">we all miss you so much.</span></div><br /><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:78%;"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5482715914019705058" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2-LzjoqeNEdGlcnLg25UcYGEjaXTrjBvEmd7JRhxfvSXXkEY0T16G8YtG4uVsMZJPapSZxE_5IAAkVZCZdh2xpyouTj0YaIGmnudSeRwWHyI_LWACbh4FcSYVsC3e7pr7FsISIU8r_H7y/s320/porter.jpg" /></span></div>Sarah Bearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919120052287518102noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6520344969100065224.post-67056895257636990982010-06-03T18:55:00.000-07:002010-06-03T19:26:00.871-07:0006.03.10<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">porter can i be honest.?</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">i miss you so much today.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">i just barely realized that's part of my little funk today.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">there's other things, but i think it's mostly that i miss you.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">my mom told me secondhand serenade is coming to thanksgiving point july 17.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">i wanna go sooo bad.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">but i don't know who to go with.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">i feel like concerts are something special, and i'm suppose to go with someone special.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">but i don't have you to go with anymore.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">the last secondhand serenade concert at thanksgiving point was the last time i ever saw you.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">ever. and i'm still so embarassed about that.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">i dropped off the planet pretty much, and dropped pretty much everyone from my life.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">i hate it, and i wish so badly i could change it.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">if i go i'm going to feel like something huge is missing.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">because you'll be missing.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">i haven't had the braclet me and will and brian made for you on lately.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">but not because i haven't wanted to.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">to tell the truth i thought i lost it, and i hateddd myself.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">deep down i knew it had to be somewhere in all my crap, but i couldn't figure out where.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">but today while i was walking in the laundry room i decided to look down and i saw it on the ground:)</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">it made me so happy.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">and i don't think i'll everrrr take it off again.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">your band was on some mtv show last night.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">amazing.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">i didn't watch it, but they said it was on, and i happen to think that's the coolest thing ever.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">wanna know what else would be the coolest thing ever.?</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">if you were here to play with allred.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">that would make the rest of my life so happy to see you stage, and then him.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">i would be so proud.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">i <strong>am</strong> so proud.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">i'm so lucky i got to call you my friend, and still can.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">i wanna go on the hike again porter.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">but i don't think i'll make it.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">i swear i can barely walk lately without getting sick.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">i hate it.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">i feel like i can't do anything.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">but it's okay.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">i know that only the best can come out of this situation.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">i need to go see your grave.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">i feel like i'm the last person to.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">probably because i am.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">i'm seriously such a bad friend.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">even my sister went the other day.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">she said she swore she could feel you.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">and i totally believe her.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">i love that even though your not here anymore you <strong>still</strong> continue to touch people.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">and you let us all know your okay, and that your happy.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">i don't think i could even handle any of this if you hadn't given me those moments of peace and happiness where i could feel you.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">the one that stands out most is when i was on the hike and i felt so peaceful. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">i wanted to cry, but then everything just felt right.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">you were where you were suppose to be, and i was where i was suppose to be.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">your family came up the canyon with us to our cabin and it was so much fun.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">i love them all.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">so many things that your brothers did or said reminded me of you so much.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">everything about them reminds me of you.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">their teeth, their eyebrows, their voices, everything.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">you always had perfect eyebrows, and i always envied you for that.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">there was never a hair out growing in the wrong place, and i'm pretty sure you never waxed or plucked them. you lucky boy.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">when we were all sitting around the fire i looked over at jordan and i swore for a second it was you.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">he looked <strong>identical</strong> to you.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">it was so crazy, but it was comforting.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">keep watching over all of us.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:78%;">it means everything to me.</span>Sarah Bearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919120052287518102noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6520344969100065224.post-43800183312405067122010-05-21T21:03:00.001-07:002010-05-21T21:25:55.914-07:0005.21.10<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">tonight was amazing.</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i'm so glad i got to go and be apart of the concert tonight.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i only stayed for ask for the future though.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i just had no other reason or motivation to watch other bands.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">they had no meaning to me.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">it was kind of emotional.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">when they started playing their first song i had to hold back tears.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i could feel them coming up but i knew if i started then i'd cry the whole time.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i just stared at the guy playing bass and thought it should be you instead.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">he's all i could look at.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">at the beginning there weren't very many people there and i could see the whole band from the back where i was sitting down.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">with my momma and your momma, and your dad, and your brother and his girlfriend.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">but as more people started showing up i slowly could see less and less of the stage,</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">but i could always. always see the bassist. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">which made me wish even more that is was you.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">so i could get to see you preform.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">just once.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">there was a time when these people came in, a group of three, and they blocked my whole view.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">but after about 15 seconds two of them took a few steps over and once again, i could see the guy playing the bass.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i think that was a message.?</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i don't know what the message was.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">or maybe it's in my head.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i honestly have no idea.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i felt so lucky i got to be there while your sweet family experienced the concert.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i wonder what their experience was like.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i wonder if they wanted to cry. or if they were happy. or what.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">it's really none of my business, stuff like that just fascinates me.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i love knowing how people feel.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i'm pretty sure you loved the song they wrote for you.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i really did let quite a few tears out during that.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">the words hit me so hard.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">they were so... heart felt and amazing.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">it was such a special moment for me, and it kinda made me mad to look around and see people talking and laughing and kinda dancing stupid.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">that might be a little dramatic, but it did.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i felt like that was suppose to be your moment for the night, and people didn't even know.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i know it was written for people to enjoy, but i just don't feel like it was a happy enjoy moment.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">more of like a somber, special remembrance enjoy.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i don't know if that makes sense or if it's just me.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">can i tell you how cute i think your family is.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i don't know, i just love them.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i love your mom. she's so sweet and so strong.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i love your dad. he makes me laugh. i don't think he even means to.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i love your sister. she wrote all those sweet letters to you when you were first gone.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i love your brothers. they remind me of you. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i don't know why, but the second i saw your mom at the funeral i just had a feeling she was someone i wanted to stay in touch with.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">she's someone i wanted in my life.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">and she's an amazing example to me.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i wanna be more like her.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">especially when i grow up and get to be a mom to a sweet boy like you.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">who will be named addison.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i promise you.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">my heart is set on naming my first boy after you.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">after your band was done i got a cd, and a shirt, and pins:)</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">it made me so happy.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">and then my mom bought me ANOTHER shirt, a bigger one.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">so i could sleep in it:)</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">which means if i get fat, i'll always be able to wear it. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">yayy.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i can't wait for the next concert i go to.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i already know when it is.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">june 11, at the same place,</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">with allred.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">we love allred remember.?</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">at the secondhand serenade concert he opened for we stood there and sang the with or without you song.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">member.?</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i do.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">we called jessicas mom and left it on her voice mail.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small; ">i wish you could be there to play with him.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small; ">that would be MY dream come true.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small; ">and i think that you would think it was pretty cool.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small; ">i can only imagine the text you would send me telling me about it:)</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small; ">i wish you could text me. and tell me alllll about it.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small; ">i have so much on my mind. and this is already so long.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small; ">just know, ask for the future is my new favorite.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small; ">i'm listening to the cd right now.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small; ">and wearing my shirt:)</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small; ">and now i'm going to go to beddd.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small; ">i know your happy with how the show went tonight.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i just wish it was you.</span></span></div>Sarah Bearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919120052287518102noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6520344969100065224.post-75994314408387241872010-05-20T19:19:00.000-07:002010-05-21T21:02:59.777-07:0005.20.10<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">can i just tell you...</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">how excited i am for the concert tomorrow.?</span></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">i've been looking forward to it so much that this week has felt like a billion.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">it sucks.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">i just want it to be here. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">i hope they let me buy tickets there, or i will be distraught.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">it will be terrible.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">i wrote you a letter today during school,</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">but i don't know if i want to write it on here, because it was so super dramatic.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">i don't want anyone to think i'm psychotic.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">even though i can be.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">i miss you.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">a whole lot.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">i wish i could just text you and tell you about everything so you could tell me i was being dramatic,</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">or that everything would be okay.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">i love love love reading what people write on your facebook wall.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">and everything that they loved about you.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">it just makes me smile.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">:)</span></span></div>Sarah Bearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919120052287518102noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6520344969100065224.post-53263025563073178552010-05-16T17:37:00.000-07:002010-05-16T17:57:27.087-07:0005.16.10<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i never write on my blog about my everyday life anymore.</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">because everything i feel like i say i'll just say it to you.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">even though you already know everything going on with me.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">and everything i'm feeling.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i was looking on my facebook the other day and your band posted a status.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">it <b>amazed </b>me, to say the least.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">it said some of the bands music would be on some quite popular reality tv shows.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i loved it. loved loved loved it.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">you would seriously be so famous one day.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">one day sooner then i would expect to!</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i'm going to buy an <b>ask for the future </b>shirt at the show. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">and i'm gonna wear it all the time.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">and i'll tell everyone that my best friend <b>isss</b> in that band. :)</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i saw a picture of you playing your bass and your fingers amaze me.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">they are sooo long and pretty.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">they are simply perfect for playing guitar.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">unlike mine.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i like to think my fingers are long and quite pretty, but i could never get the chords where one finger was suppose to be on the top string,</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">and the next finger on the bottom string.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i struggleddd.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i miss you more and more every day.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i feel like one day it should just be easy and i shouldn't miss you so much, </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">but i don't think that will ever come.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">you'll always always have the most special place in my heart.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i can't wait til friday.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">love you forever.</span></span></div>Sarah Bearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919120052287518102noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6520344969100065224.post-30566882612520273162010-05-06T19:05:00.000-07:002010-05-06T19:54:57.249-07:0005.06.10<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i miss you a lot lately.</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i swear everything i see reminds me of you.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">ever since i went to your house the other week it's seriously everything.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i remember your dad telling me you guys would watch wizards of waverly place, and phineas and ferb.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">and that your girlfriend was demi lovato.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">and everytime i watch tv i see those shows or that girl.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">and sometimes i have to bring myself to watch wizards of waverly place.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i always think of that home video your mom showed us, where you were flying a kite and telling jordan you saved your money for a foam airplane, and you got a foam air plane!!</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i seriously crack up every time i think of it.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">while we looked at your scrapbooks that day i could so see you. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">to me you looked the same.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">but when your mom showed us more recent pictures it got harder.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">but i still loved it, and i loved your long hair, even if your parents didn't love it. haha(:</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">
<br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i can't believe it's been two months.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">that means that two months ago today brian tried telling me and i didn't believe him.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i just couldn't.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">someone like you couldn't be gone.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">especially without me being able to say goodbye.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">there's probably a reason i didn't get to say goodbye.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i would never let you go. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i would make you stay at my house with me forever.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">and we would never do anything because i wouldn't want anything to happen to you.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">
<br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i think one of the reasons why i've been thinking about you so much lately is because i don't think you'd be too happy with some of the decisions i've made and some of things going on in my life.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i think your disappointed
<br />but i'm pretty sure your with me and helping me through it.
<br />
<br />i keep listening to the last song you recorded with brett mcneill.
<br />and i love it.
<br />i have to listen to it over and over again.
<br />i remember your cute mom telling me how you told her the words were genius.
<br />and your definitely right.
<br />they are.
<br />and so is your amazing guitar playing.Sarah Bearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919120052287518102noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6520344969100065224.post-36288365819132970512010-04-24T21:10:00.000-07:002010-04-24T21:28:46.769-07:004.20.2010<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">yesterday i went on </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">the</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"> hike. it was pretty crazy.</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i learned how out of shape i am.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">that was kind of depressing.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i didn't make it to the cliff.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i could've if i would've sat and rested for a long while. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i think part of it was in my head.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i don't know if i could've stood on that cliff without breaking down.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">which i haven't done for a while, because i know that's not what you want me to do.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i sat and thought on those rock step things and just sat while will and stephen and brian went to the top.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">and i felt a lot calmer sitting </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">there</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"> thinking about you, and what happened, then i ever have before.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">it was kind of amazing.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i think that's why i was suppose to go up there.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">because yesterday was just a whim.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i was laying in bed the night before mad about something, and all the sudden i got a feeling i needed to do it.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i'm gonna do it again, and this time i'll go to the top. all the way up the cliff.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">and i'm gonna sit and think about all our good times. and i will not cry. at least not sad tears.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i'll be </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">happy</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">. they'll be happy tears if i do cry.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i'll be </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">so blessed</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"> i got to spend as much time as i did with you. and experienced everything i got to with you.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i felt... weird? (i'm not sure if that's the right word.) hanging out with will without you. and brian.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">cuz i never even hung out with you two.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">as weird? as it might have been though, i felt you close. super close.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i'm pretty sure you were with us. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">and you were with me while i was sitting staring at the cliff, and it gave me peace. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">don't get me wrong, i miss you like <b>crazy.</b></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">it's insane. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">it makes me sad you had to be gone for me to realize you were my veryy best guy friend.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i always knew we were good friends and super close, but you were my <b>best</b> guy friend.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">the only guy friend i've ever had that didn't have other intentions.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i'm going to your house on wednesday and i can't wait.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">we're gonna look at your scrapbooks and just have fun remembering you.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">can't wait.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">miss you.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">sarah</span></span></div>Sarah Bearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919120052287518102noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6520344969100065224.post-33174880466953951682010-04-24T21:04:00.000-07:002010-04-24T21:29:17.059-07:003.30.2010<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i went up the canyon yesterday, and it was super hard.</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">everywhere i looked i could see cliffs. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i couldn't get away from them.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i had to cover my eyes the most the time in the car.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i felt like i had to get out of there, but no one would listen to me.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i kept telling them i couldn't do it and that i wasn't ready to see things like that yet,</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">but i don't think they took me seriously.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">in fact, i know they didn't because they didn't turn around and take me back home.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">as hard as that was for me though, i'm going to go on the dry canyon hike.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">it might take a while though.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i don't know why.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">because i hate nature.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">you know that</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i really hate hiking, and now i am terrified of cliffs.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i just have a feeling i need to go.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">maybe it will bring me closure.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i really don't know.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">and i feel like i should go alone.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i know i'll be terrified, but i just have to do it.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i want to do it. for you.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i'm gonna try to stay away from any edges. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">but you weren't even by the edge.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">keep watching over everyone.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">we miss you.</span></span></div>Sarah Bearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919120052287518102noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6520344969100065224.post-27160084758745499262010-04-24T20:47:00.000-07:002010-04-24T21:04:36.206-07:00a while ago..<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">whenever i get free time in class my thoughts always end up on porter.</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">and the things i miss.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i'm not good at verbally expressing how i feel, so i always write it instead.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">so during class when all my work is done.. (and even sometimes when it's not)</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i write letters. because it's the way i feel like he knows what i want to say.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">this is one i wrote, i don't know when. in the middle of march.?</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">dear porter,</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">you can't be gone. i refuse to believe it. i miss you so much. words could never describe.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">it breaks my heart we hadn't talked more lately. now i know what i had and i can't get over it. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">it hurts so bad knowing you texted me the day before everything happened.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i had a feeling to turn my phone on, but i didn't.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i'm constantly wondering what we would have talked about. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">all i know is every time i <b>think</b> about that simple text i want to cry.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">you were my best guy friend. ever.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">there was never a time you weren't there for me.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i don't know how i'm going to do it without you porter.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">you were the one i always counted on.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">and you were the only person that never made me feel like i was being dramatic, even when i was.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">we had so much fun together. going to concerts, taking silly pictures, hanging out with my mom, going to movies, talking, going on wagon rides, and car rides.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i even had fun at east shore with you.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">how am i suppose to go in there without bawling? </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i don't know if i can even handle going to school tomorrow, and you didn't even go to my school.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">it will break my heart to see all the kids who don't care about life, throwing theirs away.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">cuz that should be you porter.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">you should be here.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">you lived your life to the fullest and took full advantage of it.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">and you taught me <b>so</b> much. and you still had <b>so</b> much more to teach me.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">so much more to teach everyone. </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i never got to see you play a show. because i was selfish and i thought i had to go see new moon, or do something else stupid.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">the closest i ever got was to see a video of on your phone of you and will.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">you were playing guitar and will was singing amazing grace like a woman.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i'm sorry porter.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">i love you.</span></span></div>Sarah Bearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919120052287518102noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6520344969100065224.post-49853396859963457842010-04-24T20:45:00.000-07:002010-04-24T21:30:47.987-07:00if..<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">anyone who reads this wants to share memories, or stories of porter e mail them to me sweisenburger92@gmail.com</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"> and i will be more then willing to post them on this little blog of mine.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"> this is my blog just for porter, and my way of sharing how i feel.</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div></div>Sarah Bearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13919120052287518102noreply@blogger.com1