11.03.10

dear porter,

you've been on my mind so much. you always are, and always have been.

it's not getting easier at all as time goes on.

i don't think i like the whole "time heals all wounds" quote.

i don't know why, i just feel like i can give you being gone all the time in the world, but i will never ever be fully healed.

it's still weird to me that i can't even text you.

i got a new phone, and your number is in there.

it's never going to be deleted. i'm going to keep putting it in whatever phone i get.

probably for the rest of my life.

i know i shouldn't be asking for anything, but can i ask you for something?

can you keep my little atty entertained with the time she has left up there? just five more weeks.

maybe you guys already do run around together and play and talk and laugh.

maybe you can teach her a few things. like all the things i admired about you.

if i could choose one thing for you to teach her it would be your outlook on everything.

i want her to always be happy, just like you. i want her to see everything positively like you did.

i hope she has a bright smile like yours, and has that twinkle in her eye.

i want her to love life, and everything about. like you.

i wish she could be just like you, but i won't get my hopes up.

the party everyone had in honor of your birthday was amazing. i want to put that night on repeat sometimes.

your band was amazing. i couldn't hold my tears back when they sang the song they wrote for you, but with your favorite keane song as the intro.

remember when we were driving to the metro station concert and didn't really know who they were?

we were listening to their cd and i was like "oh, this song is awesome! i love this song!" and i would never let you listen to keane. i don't know why, i just said i didn't like them and i kept to it, even though i never listened to them. i was a brat. i'm reallll sorry about that, by the way.

but you tricked me and put a keane cd in and said it was more metro station, and i thought it was. and i liked it. and then you gave it away that it wasn't metro station, and i said i didn't really like it.

i've been listening to metro station a lot lately. because it reminds me of you.

i always look at the moutains and think about you too.

i miss you, and i always willll.