and the things i miss.
i'm not good at verbally expressing how i feel, so i always write it instead.
so during class when all my work is done.. (and even sometimes when it's not)
i write letters. because it's the way i feel like he knows what i want to say.
this is one i wrote, i don't know when. in the middle of march.?
dear porter,
you can't be gone. i refuse to believe it. i miss you so much. words could never describe.
it breaks my heart we hadn't talked more lately. now i know what i had and i can't get over it.
it hurts so bad knowing you texted me the day before everything happened.
i had a feeling to turn my phone on, but i didn't.
i'm constantly wondering what we would have talked about.
all i know is every time i think about that simple text i want to cry.
you were my best guy friend. ever.
there was never a time you weren't there for me.
i don't know how i'm going to do it without you porter.
you were the one i always counted on.
and you were the only person that never made me feel like i was being dramatic, even when i was.
we had so much fun together. going to concerts, taking silly pictures, hanging out with my mom, going to movies, talking, going on wagon rides, and car rides.
i even had fun at east shore with you.
how am i suppose to go in there without bawling?
i don't know if i can even handle going to school tomorrow, and you didn't even go to my school.
it will break my heart to see all the kids who don't care about life, throwing theirs away.
cuz that should be you porter.
you should be here.
you lived your life to the fullest and took full advantage of it.
and you taught me so much. and you still had so much more to teach me.
so much more to teach everyone.
i never got to see you play a show. because i was selfish and i thought i had to go see new moon, or do something else stupid.
the closest i ever got was to see a video of on your phone of you and will.
you were playing guitar and will was singing amazing grace like a woman.
i'm sorry porter.
i love you.
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